PLAYER

PLAYER PROFILES

 TIME TO GET TO KNOW THE PEOPLE THAT MAKE UP THE FRESNO WIFFLEBALL LEAGUE.  HECK, THEY’VE BEEN LEERING IN YOUR WINDOW FOR SO LONG, YOU SHOULD KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT THEM.

AARON “FORD”

aaronpro

You can’t stop him but, oddly enough, you can contain him.  Aaron has taken his team [ColeSteamers] to record heights with his championships and home run records.  He rarely swings at a ball and only throws a bad pitch when he wants you to chase it [damn I hate that].

MIKE “C”

cwins

He’s the league’s commissioner, webmaster and whipping boy (no, not in a s&m sorta way – he loses all the time).  His team [Dayton Drunks] hasn’t tasted any kind of real victory since 1999.  As he gets older, he seems to lose even more ability and people wonder if it’s time for him to hang it up – he’s becoming the Ricky Henderson of the league.

ZOHRAB “BELLS” “Z”

bellshelmet

One of the veterans of the league but he seems to be hitting his prime.  His team[Barstow Boozers] was once the League Bitch but, over the past couple seasons, he has become a top three player and has won his first championship.  Plus, he’s still the king of entrances and antics.

LANCE

lancepro

New Jersey boy showing these valley floor dudes how wiffle is played.  Lance is a recent transplant to Fresno and a big addition to the league.  He has one of the nastiest sliders anybody in Fresno has seen.  His new team[Cedar] is the first true challenger to Ford’s championship winning ways.

PATRICK

patbat

The newest member of the league has already brought a lot of energy and drinking ability to the league – something the league was losing a bit.  He seems to improve with every game and we look forward to his team DeWolf to make some noise in the future.

DUSTIN

dustinpro

Dustin is still considered a new player even though he’s been around for a few years.  He’s still new because he doesn’t play enough.  Once this guy plays with some regularity, his team[Winery/Cole?] will be a force…force.

DEREK “D”

d

He was the best player in the early years of the league [eighties] but now, due to lack of play, nobody knows what he is anymore (kinda like Eddie Van Halen).  His team is still Palo Alto but he now lives in San Diego and one wonders why he hasn’t started a league there.  Um, wait, I know now – BECAUSE IT’S FUCKIN’ SAN DIEGO!  WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU TAKE THE TIME TO START A WIFFLEBALL LEAGUE, WHEN YOU LIVE IN SAN DIEGO?  HAVE YOU SEEN THE WOMEN THERE?

CARL “LOS”

Man, this dude, it’s so frustrating – if he would just come out and play a full season.  He has the hardest fastball in the league and the heaviest swing but doesn’t play enough.  His team [D’wood Law Dawgs] has been the only real rival for Ford.  It would be great to see him play a full season but that might never happen; good for everybody’s record, bad for the league.

DOUG “BURNS”

Burnsey, Burnsey, Burnsey – How Bad?

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