Fresno State Quarterbacks...Scrimmage

Nobody debates who should be the starting left-tackle or corner-back, they debate about the starting quarterback. There was plenty of Brandstater vs. Colburn debating going on at the Fresno State spring scrimmage game Saturday.

Dorktown was there to check it out and take some video. The REAL debate became, which quarterback is better at signing his autograph. You decide:

Sammy Says Fresyes

It's all official and stuff: Sammy Hagar is Fresno's newest businessman. Read all about it on Mike Oz' Blog.

The Dorktown Awards

The Fresno Bee and Fresno Famous got to do their Fresno awards, now it's Dorktown's turn.

BEST PLACE TO GET SOME ACTION: SKY HARBOR ROAD
Blessed with its kinda stunning (partial) view of Fresno’s night skyline and the constant feeling that an Indian Ghost might appear from the darkness and attack as you get "jobed", Sky Harbor has been the choice of Fresno Horndogs for years. And now, with the edition of the Table Mountain Casino, it gives a guy an optimal place to ditch his date after he’s gotten his.

MOST ANNOYING AREA OF FRESNO: NORTH EAST
What makes this area of Fresno so annoying? Let me list some of the reasons:

-Highest concentration of “whitey" in Fresno.
-The air of self importance – it stanks.
-Teaming with Soccer Moms in SUV’s with only one child inside.
-Ostentatious churches on every block.
-Street names like Champlain Drive, Brandywine Ave and Tea Party Lane - I crap-you-not that’s a real street name.
-Overflowing with Bay Area and So Cal refugees and Fresno sellouts.
-It’s all Clovis School District even though it’s Fresno. (And hey why the hell is that whole area of Fresno in the Clovis School District anyway?).
-Two words: River Park. Two more words: Dirty Olive.

BEST PLACE TO SCORE A HOOKER: BLACKSTONE AVE - more specifically, the area between Shields and Clinton. It has all kinds of burnt-out-hoes you can take back behind Ghettobertsons [Albertons] and get your dirty little rocks off. Aaaahhh, you've actually DONE THAT? Sick. I was just joking...

BEST PLACE TO SEE A FRESNAN CRY: Fresno Yosemite International Airport at the arrivals waiting area, just outside the metal detectors. You can also play the same Star Wars video game you played there twenty years ago, maybe your high score is still up.

BEST PLACE TO GRIND SOMEONE ON THE DANCE-FLOOR: I have no idea, it’s been too long. It was, the long since closed, SoHo’s in the Tower District. The dance floor was nice and dark and had these little nooks that were just right for classless making-out-on-the-dance floor sessions.

BEST PLACE TO SCORE YOUNG TAIL: Gotta still be Blackbeards. It IS the place for fun, you know...a whole different kind of fun...not that I would go NOW or anything...just sayin’.

BEST PLACE TO SCORE OLD TAIL: Pardinies. Just talk about how much money you made last quarter and how you got a new stereo system for your Mercedes and [in the words of David Lee Roth] “You’ll get some leg tonight for sure!"

BEST PLACE TO GET SOME DRUGS: The Burger King across from the Fairgrounds – this is also the worst place, it rolls like that.

BEST PLACE FOR A NERD TO HANGOUT: Heroes Comics – best comic shop on the West Coast. In this place, geeks are the cool kids and jocks look like nerds.

BIGGEST RIPOFF IN FRESNO: A Matinee at Edwards Theatre. The management sucks [no quality control going on in the theatres], the prices are ridiculous [$7.50 for a movie at two in the afternoon] and you have to wait in long lines to buy five dollar sodas. Did I mention the management sucks?

You can listen to Bells and I discuss these awards in depth and more offensively on Dorktown Podcast 42.

Bakersfield and Fresno share downtown struggles

Sounds like Gaylen Young is talking about downtown Fresno instead of Bakersfield in this video posted by Bakersfield blogger Nick Belardes.

I wonder if the City Council would like to drop yet another 50K and study downtown some more after watching the Bako video.

Stop studing and start doing!

Fresno's Rasputins is open...sorta

Haphazard. That's how I would desribe Fresno's Tower Records replacement, Rasputins, currently. Instead of waiting to open Rasputins until the changeover from a Tower is complete, they just said "Fuck it!" and opened during the change.

The store still needs a lot of work but the used section is already filling out and is very popular. The sound of people fliping through plastic CD cases is almost defeaning.

Here's what a rock dork got for his first purchase:

Parker has a death wish

Is this just a simple mascot stunt for opening night of the Fresno Grizzlies season, or is it a cry for help from a suicidal bear? You decide as you watch Fresno Grizzlies mascot, Parker, come in for a landing after jumping out of an airplane above Downtown Fresno.



*Alternative headlines for this blog:
-HIGHWAY TO PARKER'S DANGER ZONE
-MASCOT HAS BALLS

**(Direct link to video

Insert Turd Joke Here

FOUND: Big friggin' clump-of-tree-trunk. TIME AND LOCATION: Thursday in the parking lot behind the Tower Theatre.



To claim this dirt and root mass as yours, please come to the parking lot and describe it to nobody.

Fresno Boy one-ups Costner

Congratulations to Fresnan and minor league baseball king, Jason Wood, for doing something that Bull Durham's "Crash Davis" never could...make an opening day roster. And he did it at 37.

Fresno Bee columnist Matt James [the Bee's best writer, by the way] wrote a great piece on Jason. Check it out HERE.