1 CEDAR (Lance):  Wins the regular season in his first year playing.  Last game day he threw two no-hitters on the way to a 3-0 day.  His slider is working well and is the hottest player coming into the playoffs.  THE man to beat.  (Odds- 2 to 1)

2 COLE STEAMERS (Ford):  Current champion of the league (many years running) and controversial second place finisher.  He has long been the dominate force of the league and will not give up his title without a fight.  His major trouble coming in is his three month lay-off from league play.  He will be playing “cold” but his veteran skills may be enough to overcome his absence.  (Odds- 3 to 1)

3 BARSTOW BOOZERS (Bells):  The mild surprise of the league with his improved pitching.  It gives him a fighting chance at his first championship and with a first round match-up with C (whom he dominated last time they played) it seems likely he would face his nemesis Ford in the second round.  (Odds- 6 to 1)

4 DE WOLF (Patrick):  He started out slow but has really been showing some talent late in the season; that is what he’ll need to win the FWL title.  His hitting is solid but his pitching, although improved greatly, is inconsistent.  Stranger things have happened.  (Odds 8 to 1)

 5 WINERY (Dustin):  Skills have improved since his first games a couple years ago, but he hasn’t played in months.  With his lack of playing time, he will have a tough road to the championship game but all it takes is a “hot “day, something he’s shown he can have.  (Odds 11 to 1)

6 DAYTON DRUNKS (C):  Who would have thought this guy would have had this bad of a season…only C.  He has shown he has the skill to beat anybody but lately has only shown his skill to lose…badly.  Dayton might get completely trounced in the first round or go on to win with ease – fuckin’ quandary this guys is.  (Odds- 10 to 1)





We’re going to play in a park with a full grass field and no obstructions?  Where’s the garage in the middle of the field?  Same dimensions for left and right field?  I don’t know if I can work with this.  I can actually hit one out to right field and get a homer instead of a foul?  This is madness.  Four bases, what the hell are these four bases?   And where are the damn trees in left to knock down the potential homers I give up?


Playing in a public park; pretty damn weird.  I wonder if some kid will come ask for my autograph.  Maybe a hot chick will see my nasty curve and get all “hot and bothered”.  I know some of these older guys walking by are jealous because they don’t have the balls we do to be out here playing wiffle.  I just like that we’re a block from the beach and we decided to play wiffleball.



There’s rumor going around that Tom Cruise has a place here and comes to this park on occasion.  I’ll bet if we convinced him to play, he’d be standing on the pitching mound shouting “Hey, everybody, I’m in love with that Dawsons Creek chick.”  Then I could say “Shut up and pitch the ball, jackass!”


Mike Rosa is playing with us for the first  time (in fact, he’s never played wiffleball).  He’s playing pretty well which leads me to believe we are only slightly better than somebody who’s never played before.  Not good, not good.


I’m teamed up with the hottest player in our league (Bells) against Derek (hasn’t played in a couple years), Aaron (hasn’t played in a month) and Mike R. (never played before) and I still can’t manage a victory.



Although the games didn’t count,  it was still a fun day.  Derek was complaining about being sore (until he started drinking again), Mike Rosa played, we got to see Ford’s cool new pad, got Aaron’s new neighbor all pissed off, beautimus.

If you’re lookin’ for some footage from our road weekend, here ya go: LaBeach.wmv

-Written by MS (7-9-5)
  • Download the latest PODCAST .
  • Check 2005 STANDINGS AND LEADERS for the latest updates.
  • Go to the MESSAGE FORUM for the latest smack and news



  When there was talk of a new player joining the league,  perennial loser C must have secretly thought to himself  “Maybe I can finally beat somebody.”  C needs to rethink things after losing (two games) to the new guy [Lance from New Jersey], Sunday.

Lance throws left-handed and C (rarely facing lefty throwing in the past) had trouble hiting all day.  “Hopefully I can adjust to him, otherwise I’ll just sit in the cellar all season, looking up at Bells.”

Cedar [Lance] is a big addition to the league and looks to be a regular this season.  Check out the 2005 STANDINGS AND LEADERS to see the results from Past Sunday’s games. 

Also check out the MESSAGE FORUM!!  for all the Wiffleball, Natalie Portman, Jeff Kent Mustache and Los, talk.  Sign your ass up today and get involved.



Sunday, A deal was struck (of sorts) between Cole and Dayton:  Keep the fastball pitches to a minimum (reasoning being, to prevent sore-ass arms in the morning).   The deal’s result was a offensive explosion of 24 runs scored in one game.  Cole beat Dayton 17 to 7.

“Ironically my arm feels just as bad [not throwing a lot of fastballs] because a had to face so many batters because I gave it up [runs] like a bastard today.”  stated C of Dayton.  C went on to say “Even though I got my ass handed to me today and I’ll likely be sore tomorrow, I’m still glad I made it out here today.  The rest of the league, except Ford,  are a bunch-a-pansies for no showin’.”

League standings and stats can now be found HERE.  This season we will be using the new Message Forum a lot.  Look for live game updates, gameday musings, stat rundowns, video clips, pictures and whatever else we can think up.  (Since there were only two teams playing this week, there was nobody to take video…sad, really sad.)

Other things: Did you check out our new logo?  Many thanks to Dave at moneyshotapparel.com for designing it for us!  We’ve only needed one for about 20 years.   We soon will have shirts available with our new logo…yea, that’s right, friggin shirts.



We’ve got the balls, the bats, the dorks, and the drunks – we’re ready for the 2005 season.  The season is just hours away; are you in “wiffle shape”?

This season we will be using the new Message Forum a lot.  Look for live game updates, gameday musings, stat rundowns, video clips, pictures and whatever else we can think up.

Other things: Did you check out our new logo?  Many thanks to Dave at moneyshotapparel.com for designing it for us!  We’ve only needed one for about 20 years.   We soon will have shirts available with our new logo…yea, that’s right, friggin shirts.



Who would schedule a rock concert on the same weekend as the Fresno Wiffleball League’s opening day?…BONO, that’s who.

An April 9th U2 San Jose concert will be attended by league stars, Ford and Bells.  The original opening day for the FWL is April 10th.  “The turnaround was going to be too much for Ford and Bells.”  interim league Commissioner “C” claims.  “You know those boys are going to get fucked up at that show and we can’t risk them not making it back in time.  They likely will be in jail on Sunday anyway.”

Lead singer Bono was asked if he felt bad that the FWL was going to delay the start of their Wiffleball season because of their show:  “What in bloody hell is a Wiffleball?” stated Bono.  U2 guitarist “The Edge” was asked the same question and his response was “I’m The Edge!”

The FWL’s season will now begin on Sunday the 17th.  Talk about this story, or anything else, in the MESSAGE FORUM!!.


  Many attempts at a useable message forum [for this website] have been tried (with little success).  I hope that is about to change with our new, NEW MESSAGE FORUM!! .  Click on it and start talkin’ your smack, ask us questions about the league, talk about your league or anything ya damn well please – Just use the bitch!  You know you’ve been wanting to tell us what dorks we are (mostly just C), now here is your chance.   FORUM


You can almost smell the plastic, feel the arms ache, hear the F-bombs and see the “dingers” bouncing off the roof — IT’S TIME FOR THE 2005 SEASON TO BEGIN…almost.   April 10th (now it’s the 17th) is the exact start and to get you ready,  a brief team  preview has been prepared — so shall we begin?

COLE STEAMERS (FORD):  This is the last year that the Steamer franchise will be located in the Fresno area.  In fact, Ford will be moving his team, during the season, to Abtos (insert masturbating joke here).  Ford will be wanting to make a lasting impression by keeping his championship streak in tact (he’s won every year since the 90’s).  The only question is, will his arm and right elbow hold-up through the “rigors” of another “intense” season.

D’WOOD LAW DAWGS (LOS):  Although the amount of games Los plays is inconsistent, his game play isn’t (he has never lost a “one-on-one” game).  The wiffleball world still waits to see what Los can do with a full year and a postseason.  Will this be the year?

BARSTOW BOOZERS (BELLS):  Bells, the first known Armenian to play wiffleball and admit it,  has to be the dark horse pick this year.  Last season he showed  better and more consistent  play.  This season, his big challenge will be to finally beat the Steamers since he has lost every meeting since, well, forever.

DAYTON DRUNKS (C):  This is a big year for Dayton.  C has been on a steady decline ever since his tournament win in 99.  This year could decide if C will go into management or stick around a few more years.

WINERY (DUSTIN):  Work schedules prevented Dustin from playing last year but things are going to be different this season.  Rumors are going around that he is fired up and ready to play.  His rookie season showed a lot of promise and is expected to be a true force this year.

PALO ALTO DIEGOS (D):  Will this man play, at all, this year?  Only Derek knows for sure and…well…he doesn’t know either.  If he did play, he could have the best team.  Ya know though, “If could’s and if’s were candy, I’d be…a…um…aaah fuckin fat-ass.”  I dunno what I’m talkin’ about…I guess D thinks writing screenplays are more important than wiffleball…whatever.

FREMONT AUTOBAHNS (BURNS):  Last year, to everybody’s surprise, Burns came out of retirement, to play.   Will it happen again this year?  Given Burns’s loathing of Fresno, probably won’t happen.  But it would be damn cool if it did.

MADTOWN PHONE DUDES (REGGIE):  Every year there is talk of Reggie getting out there and playing but it never materializes.  Allegedly, Reg is the best that Caruthers has ever seen.  Ya know what though, who is going to admit they’re from Caruthers by saying they saw Reggie play?  So there is no way we will really know…unless he plays this year… eh Reggie?

SHAW BEER JOCKEYS (JOE):  Joe claims he is going to play and will kick everybody’s ass.  This reporter should mention though, these claims were always made in the Silver Dollar with beer flowing, so take it with a grain of salt and a shot of Tequila.

So There you go, now let the season, and extreme arm pain, begin!  Run your 05 smack on the WIFFLE FORUM!!!

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